


Tainted Reflection

by stormy_ocean



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Dysphoria, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Married Couple, Misgendering, Pregnancy, Shinobi, Sick Character, Trans Namikaze Minato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormy_ocean/pseuds/stormy_ocean
Summary: All of her life she felt like something was wrong, but she wasn't quite sure what it was.. It wasn't until her early 20s that she finally understood
Relationships: Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Tainted Reflection

Minato was a very powerful man, he was known as the Yellow Flash of the Leaf and the 4th Hokage.. Many people feared him and many people admired him.. He was well known and had amazing talent.. He had almost everything, and yet, he felt like something was missing..

Something important

He tried to ignore it the best he could, he had no reason to feel this way, he had practically everything a man could want.. Day in, day out, he lived like this.. He didn't know why he felt saddened when seeing himself in a mirror, or why he wondered how life would be if he was born a woman.. He never dwelled on those thoughts, instead he busied himself to keep his mind off of it.. Being very careful to avoid looking in the mirror..

He didn't understand why he hated seeing himself, he didn't look bad, but for some reason something was very wrong with his body, it made him feel very sad, it didn't feel like it was his..

He made sure to shower with the lights off, it helped when he couldn't see himself, he wrapped the towel around his entire body for that exact reason as well.. When out and about he felt uncomfortable for a reason he couldn't identify, talking to people seemed to make it worse.. He had no idea why, he loved talking to people, he really did.. But whenever they talked to him, there was an ache in his heart that he couldn't pinpoint the cause of...

For so long he wondered what was wrong with him, but then, one day he finally understood...

It was towards the end of spring, his wife, Kushina, was 5 months pregnant.. They were sitting in the living room together, lightly dozing when she jumped, "OH!" he glanced at her in concern, wiping the sleep from his eyes.. "Kushina? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!! I felt him kick!!" she grabbed his hands and put them on her stomach, her eyes were sparkling with happiness.. He smiled as he felt a kick, their little baby was so strong already..

But soon enough his smile fell as it hit him, this is what he wanted.. He wanted what Kushina had, he wanted the ability to carry a child... No, it was more than that, Minato wanted to be a woman.. Everything made sense, hating his body, being uncomfortable when people talked to him, wishing he was born a woman.. Minato felt like he-no, _she_ was going to cry..

"Minato??" she looked at her lovely wife, Kushina's eyes were filled to the brim with concern "Is something wrong??"

She blinked away her tears, "No, I'm fine, just tired.." The red-headed jinchuuriki didn't look convinced, "Alright, then you should go rest, I'll join you after I eat.." Minato sent smile that hopefully was convincing enough and went to bed, she laid down and stared at the wall, the covers rested on top of her like a protective shield..

She was scared, she knew how queer people were treated, she had been trying to fix the system, but the council was stubborn.. They kept insisting that queer people were messed up, that they weren't natural.. They refused to use the correct name or pronouns for trans people and wouldn't let same-sex couples get married.. Even before realizing she was queer, she knew there was nothing wrong or unnatural about them, that they deserved the same rights as everyone else.. Why couldn't the council see that??

She heard the door shut before the mattress dipped, soon enough arms wrapped around her torso, holding her tight.. She snuggled into her wife's embrace, sighing at the warmth.. How would Kushina feel if she knew her husband was actually a woman?

Minato didn't know, she almost didn't want to know.. She didn't want to lose Kushi, she was the love of Minato's life.. She knew that Kushina was very supportive of queer people, she had helped Minato get Kakashi his first binder a few years back.. But Minato had no idea if Kushina would want to be with a woman, just cause she supported them doesn't mean she was attracted to women.. Eventually the blond's breathing evened out, she had fallen into a restless sleep.. When she awoke Kushina was sleeping soundly, her red hair splayed across the pillow, her lips parted slightly as she took in air..

Minato smiled, she reached out and tucked some of the hair behind her wife's ear..

She looked gorgeous

Minato carefully extracted herself from the pregnant woman's grasp, she entered the bathroom and stepped into the shower... She waited a second for her eyes to adjust, she didn't need to slip and break her neck..

She felt the warm water pouring over her.. She was thinking about everything, she almost didn't want to believe it, however there was no denying it.. Deep down in her heart, she had known all along.. She remembered when she was a child, someone had called her young lady, she had felt so happy but she had reluctantly told the old woman that she was a boy..

It was funny how obvious it was

She wondered if there was any way to help with the dysphoria, it couldn't be too obvious, she was the Hokage after all.. That and she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet.. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready..

"Minato, come on, breakfast is ready, plus you're taking all the water.."

She smiled at that before turning the water off, she carefully stepped out of the shower and turned the light on, thankfully the mirror was fogged up so she didn't have to see her tainted reflection in it..

She walked into the dining room and breakfast was already set out, Kushina was sitting in her chair and turned around when she heard Minato's footsteps.. "Took you long enough, c'mon, get over here before I eat your food.." she pouted at the blond in the doorway, Minato chuckled before walking over to eat..

They ate in silence, but Minato could feel the red-head staring at her, but she said nothing.. Blue eyes met violet in a questioning manner, but Kushina just reached across the table and swiped some of her rice..

The blond blinked in surprise before laughing, "You can have the rest if you're still hungry, I have to get going to work.." she eyed the Hokage suspiciously, she obviously knew something was up, but didn't comment on it.. Minato quickly pulled on her Kage robe and left for her office, she let her face fall as she ran.. She knew they were going to misgender her, and it hurt to think about...

She could get through this, she was the Hokage for goodness sakes, she could deal with some misgendering...

She hoped she could at least

She walked into the tower and several greeted her, she smiled and wished them a good morning.. She got into her office and sighed in relief, hearing them call her "sir" made her feel really depressed, but she had to deal with it for now... The day was uneventful, she just gave out missions and did paperwork, she tried her best not to grimace when someone misgendered her..

It was a lot easier to ignore this stuff when she didn't know she was trans

Back then she didn't know what made her uncomfortable, but now that she does it's impossible to ignore.. Around noon the door just swung open, startling the young Kage, she snapped her head up and saw her wife standing in the doorway holding a bento box, "Thanks Kushi, your cooking is the best.." she opened the bento and began to eat, she only got a few bites in when the kyuubi-jin started talking, "You ok? You've seemed upset since yesterday and I've been worried.."

She lowered her chopsticks, _'Of course she'd pick up on how I've been feeling'_

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me-" she slammed her hand on the desk, "That's bullshit, I can see that you're trying not to worry me by lying.. Please, just tell me what's wrong.." her violet eyes were staring right into Minato's soul, her expression was a mix of concerned and angry..

After a minute the blond sighed, "Honestly, I'm not ok, but I'm not ready to talk about it.." at that the red head's face went soft, her hand left its place on the desk and rested on a tan cheek, "Ok, when you're ready to talk about it I'm here.. You don't need to go through this alone.. I love you.." she leaned in for a kiss, and Minato happily returned it..

Smiling Kushina walked towards the door almost running into Koharu as she exited, Minato's posture stiffened, _'Why is the council coming to see me?'_ "Koharu, Homura, what brings you here??" they walked over to the desk, stopping right in front of it.. "Lord Hokage, we need to talk to you.."

She sighed softly, "I figured, why else would you have come here?? So, what do you want?" they looked at each other for a second before turning back to her, "We think it's a little risky to have one of the best ANBU members guard the jinchuuriki when she could be doing something great for the village, it'd be better if you assign 6 ANBU members to Kushina then give Em-"

"First off, _his_ name is Kakashi.. Second, I will have no one else guarding my pregnant wife, I trust you will not come to me about this again.." she fixed them with a pointed glare, they resisted for a moment before backing down.. "Fine, we still think this is a foolish decision... The girl should be sent on missions outside of the village.."

"Kakashi is not a girl, he's a boy.. I won't be sending him on missions outside of the village, at least not for a while.." Minato rubbed her forehead, _'This is giving me a terrible headache'_

"You need to be careful, Lord Hokage, you could change the course of the village if you're not careful.." with that they both left, it took everything in her not to go and strangle them.. She sighed as she reached over for some water, _'My head is killing me'_

She went back to focusing on the papers, or at least, she tried to focus.. The headache was kinda messing with her ability to concentrate... After about 10 minutes she accepted that she wasn't going to get anymore work done, she leaned back in her chair and glanced out the window.. It was still early, only around 3pm, but surely she could afford 1 short day.. She stretched before warping home, whatever she was expecting when she got home, it wasn't this..

Kushina was lying on the couch, and in front of her was an unfinished basket, it was beautiful so far and Minato knew it'd look even better when it was finished... She smiled as she looked at it, it was obviously a baby basket, normal baskets were shaped differently... She quietly stepped closer and picked up her sleeping wife and carried her to bed, she tucked her in then went to move the basket...

She carefully picked it up and moved it to the dining table, being as quiet as possible so that Kushina could get as much rest as possible..

Walking into the kitchen Minato quickly does inventory on what they have, she took out the ingredients they had and thought on what she could cook.. After a moment she began cooking, still being sure to be as silent as possible... Humming softly while she worked she moved around the kitchen whenever she needed something..

When the food was almost done she felt arms wrap around her waist and a chin land on her shoulder, "Wha're you cookin?" the other woman mumbles sleepily, "I'm actually making ramen, we had the ingredients for it, so why not?"

She hummed in agreement, "Ramen's always good, when'll it be done?" she shrugged, "Maybe a minute or 2, you sit down, I'll bring it to you.." she mumbled an agreement and went into the dining room, still wiping the sleep from her eyes.. Minato smiled at her adorable, sleepy wife.. She finished cooking after about a minute and brought 2 bowls to the dining room..

She set them down then went to go get some water for them to drink, she made her way back and Kushi had her head propped on her hand, she was obviously trying to stay awake.. "Here you go" she blinked sleepily as she accepted the water, "Thanks, what did I do to deserve the best husband ever?"

She felt a pang in her heart at those words, she knew it was supposed to be a compliment, she really did, but the fact she was still viewed as a man hurt... But she put a smile on her face, there was no need to make the love of her life feel bad, "Honestly, I don't know what I did to deserve you.." the other giggled at that, they continued eating in relative silence after that, Kushina going back for seconds..

After dinner they sat in the living room, the jinchuuriki went back to working on her basket and the Hokage began to read a book.. They sat next to each other on the couch, just basking in the other's presence... It wasn't until much later when she felt someone shake her shoulder, looking up she saw Kushi standing there, the basket was on the living table and Kushina's skin was damp, _'When did she get a shower??'_

"Sweety, we should be going to bed, it's getting late.." the blond nodded with a yawn, they both made their way into their room, but Minato took a quick shower before getting into bed... She lay in bed for a while, her lover's breathing was even, indicating that she was asleep.. The window was open, Minato could feel the breeze on her skin and in her hair.. The cool air was welcome, she had been feeling quite warm.. She hoped she wasn't catching something, that wouldn't be good..

She tried to close her eyes, but no matter what she did she could not fall asleep... She waited for a while before sighing and getting up, she quietly stepped into the bathroom and stepped under the freezing spray... It helped a little bit, she didn't feel as warm now, but the headache was very persistent... Her legs felt wobbly, the room felt like it was spinning.,,

So, she decided to sit down on the floor, now that she no longer felt like she was going to fall over, she leaned against the shower wall, feeling relieved at the cool tiles on her aching head...

Her eyes slipped shut, she was too tired to keep them open.. She wasn't sure how long she sat there under the water, but eventually she heard the door open, "Minato?? Why are you showering this late?? In the dark no less..." the light suddenly turned on, wincing she refused to open her eyes, if she opened them she might see her chest and how flat she is... She didn't need that on top of feeling kinda sick..

She heard rustling then the curtain slide open, "You ok??" she crouched down next to the blond girl, she barely shook her head and hoped that the other caught it.. And it seemed she did cause Minato felt a hand rub soothing circles on her back.. "Mind telling me what's wrong?"

"Headache, feel real warm too.." she practically melted into her wife's touches, she felt very stiff and this was helping.. "Maybe I shouldn't have turned the light on then" she mused, more to herself than to Minato.. Kushina backed away for a moment, the telltale click of the flip being switched indicated the light was off..

Hands settled on her back again, "Alright, let's get you into bed... I'll go make some soup and get you some water, do _not_ get up, got it??" she spoke sweetly, but her expression was threatening-no, it was _promising_ bad things if Minato got out of bed again.. She nodded dumbly as the pregnant woman dragged her to bed and made her comfy... She placed a kiss on her forehead before exiting the room, probably to the kitchen..

She snuggled deeper into the covers, they blanketed her nicely and she felt like she might be able to fall asleep... Unfortunately, she didn't fall asleep, but Kushina did walk in 5 minutes later with some soup and water... She insisted on feeding Minato herself, and she was too tired to even think of a protest..

The soup tasted good, as to be expected from Kushina's cooking... When all the soup was finished Kushi just set the bowl on the night stand and got under the covers, they both curled around each other immediately.. "Hey, Kushi?" she hummed in response, _'Well, no use in turning back now'_

"Would you ever date a girl? Like, if you weren't married to me.."

She stilled at this and peered at the blond, "What brought this up??" she shrugged, "Just curious"

"Well, I don't care about gender, I just, fall in love with who I fall in love with.. The person I fell for just so happened to be you.." she kissed the older's nose with a small giggle.. She felt her eyes watering at those words, she blinked her eyes so they wouldn't roll down her face.. But after a moment they slipped free and she clutched onto her wife, "Minato"

"Sorry, just, I'm happy.." she tried wiping the tears but they just kept coming, "About what?"

She stopped, was she really going to tell her?? No, she wasn't ready yet, "Maybe I can tell you tomorrow, right now I wanna sleep.." Kushina started running her fingers through the sick girl's hair, "Ok, we'll talk tomorrow.. You get some rest"

She nodded sleepily before closing her eyes, it didn't take long for her to drift to sleep.. She awoke the next morning to a chilly bed, _'I wonder where Kushi is'_

She sat up before looking at the clock, she was mildly surprised to see it was 1pm already.. She quietly went to the bathroom after a moment of getting used to being awake.. While she was washing her hands, she heard the bedroom door open, then something was set on what sounded like the nightstand...

"Minato, breakfast is ready, I let the others know you're not feeling well today, so you don't have to go in for work.."

She opened the door and saw Kushina sit on the bed, she made her way into the bedroom and just crashed right next to her... She giggled softly before laying down, "Minato, you need to eat.. C'mon, don't make me feed you again.." she grumbled before sitting up and grabbing the soup bowl, she slowly brought it to her lips and took a sip..

They sat in silence for a while when Kushina spoke, "So, what did you want to tell me??" she choked on the mouthful she had, _'I had forgotten about that'_

Once she calmed down she turned to her beautiful wife, how on earth was she going to do this?? "Well, you know how Kakashi is trans right??" her brows furrowed in confusion, "Yes, I helped you buy him a binder a few years back.." 

"Well, I've been thinking, that I- that I'm like him... Only, different??" she was fiddling her fingers, nervousness washed through her in waves.. "Uhm, elaborate, please?" a pale hand grabbed a tan one, holding it in silent support.. "I think-" she breathed in deeply, "I think I'm a girl"

She other looked mildly surprised but it quickly morphed into a smile, "Is this what's been bothering you for the past few days??" she nodded slowly, "I think I've always known deep down in my heart somewhere that I wasn't a guy..."

Violet eyes were filled with warmth and affection, but soon enough she looked horrified, "OH MY GOSH- that's why you cringed when I called you the best husband, I'm so so sorry, what did I do to deserve the best _wife_ ever??" she was clutching the older woman to her chest.. "It's fine, you didn't know.. Also, I cringed?? I thought I had schooled my expression but I guess not.."

"You did a very poor job at it, I guess I just have that effect on you.." they pulled apart and smiled, "Kushi, do you mind not telling anyone, I'm not ready yet.." her smiled brightened more, "Of course I won't tell anyone, that's for you to decide..."

Minato sighed in relief, all adrenaline that fear cause had left so she felt very sleepy.. She laid back down and stretched until she heard her back pop, then she snuggled into the covers.. Kushina laid down next to her with her back turned, after a minute the red head peered over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow, "What's wrong? Cuddle me damnit, your son and I demand it.." she pouted in that adorable way that Minato could not refuse... She shuffled closer until her front was plastered against Kushi's back, her tan hand resting on the baby bump that had developed.. She rubbed it a little and her heart warmed at the slight kick, a small adorned her face, turning her head slightly she could see that Kushina was smiling as well...

She put her face into the back of the jinchuuriki's neck, her eyes closing and just basking in the warmth of her wife and child.. Everything would be fine, she had them both with her... She'd let everyone know one day, but for now it'd be their family's secret, "Our son is gonna have the best moms in the world" the younger mumbled softly...

"Yeah, he is, and I'll protect him with my life"

"I know you will, but we'll do it together.. We're his mothers, we're a team... As long as we're alive nothing bad will happen to him, that I'm sure of" she laced their fingers together over her stomach where their son was resting, "You're right, as usual.. He's going to be a wonderful kid, I just know it.." Minato said as she squeezed their hands together..

The younger woman giggled, "Me too, I wonder if he'll look more like me or you.." Minato smiled, "I hope he gets your hair, it's so pretty, but I'll love him even if he gets my boring blond hair..." the pregnant woman swatted the blond's head, "Your hair's pretty too, so don't start on that.."

Minato chuckled nervously, the hostile intent was seeping into her skin, "Ok ok, I won't.. No matter what he looks like, he'll be perfect cause he's ours.." They snuggled closer, "Our own family, I like the sound of that.."

Humming in agreement, they sat in silence for a while longer, at least until it was lunch time which is when Kushi got up to make sure they didn't starve to death..

Bless her

Minato just stared at the ceiling, she could smell the food cooking.. It smelled so good, she felt her mouth water, she wasn't sure what it was but she wanted to eat.. After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only 5 minutes, her gorgeous and amazing wife walked in with lunch.. It was tonkatsu this time, and it looked delicious, "This looks amazing!" she said as she grabbed her plate, "Why thank you sweetheart, I figured you might be a little sick of soup so I decided to make this.."

She hummed happily, Kushina's cooking was the best, "I'll take that as a compliment to my cooking" Kushi said around a mouthful of food... Minato nodded with a smile, "After we're done we should go to bed, you're still sick and I'm pregnant so we're gonna need all the energy we can get.."

True to her word, after they ate and put the dishes away they were cuddled up in bed again, just feeling the warmth of each other under the covers.. Minato sighed happily at how everything had turned out, it seems everything would be ok after all...

She could finally be herself, at least in her own home, she had a loving wife and soon would have a little child running around.. It sounded perfect, and she couldn't wish for anything more...

They both ended up falling asleep curled into each other's arms, happy and at peace..


End file.
